Epic Humor & Jokes

Laughing is the best medicine.But if you're laughing for no reason, you may need medicine.

Square Watermelons In Japan. Wait But Why?

Square Watermelons Grown in Japan Square Watermelons Grown in Japan

They get square watermelons by growing them inside of square glass cases. That way they can fit easily into an overcrowded refrigerator, and you can stack things on them.

Square watermelons are expensive though (10,000 yen or about $82). Compare that to regular round watermelons which cost about $15-20 in Japan.

The square boxes they’re grown in are the exact dimensions of Japanese refrigerators, which means they fit perfectly. At $82 each, these square watermelons probably wouldn’t be too popular in the United States. Our solution for a lack of refrigerator space? Smaller, seedless watermelons.

More At http://webjunk.info/japan-square-watermelon/

What Are Your Chances of Winning the Lottery?

win lottery

“You’re more likely to get struck by lightning than to win the lottery.”

Sounds grim. Apparently, it’s also more likely that you will die on the way to buying your lottery ticket than actually win the lottery.

Of course this all depends on your mode of transportation to buy the ticket and the characteristics of the area where you buy it and even your demographics. It is true that you are more likely to die in a car accident than win though. The gist is that it’s very unlikely that you will win the lottery.

More At http://ifail.info/winning-lottery/

World’s longest legs : Svetlana Pankratova

Pankratova, a Russian lady living in Virginia, USA, has been officially decreed as having the world’s longest legs. Her pins were measured in 2003 in Torremolinos, Spain, and deemed to be 51.9 inches, or 132 centimetres long. After graduating high school in Russia, Pankratova played college basketball for one year before being recruited by the Virginia Commonwealth University. Pankratova is not the world’s tallest women, at six feet five inches tall, but her legs make up astonishingly just under four feet four inches of her total height. Pankratova works as a basketball coach in Falls Church, and lives with her husband Jack Gosnell, whom she met when she first moved to America.

Svetlana Pankratova

More At http://all-funny.info/longest-legs

LOTR Return of the King : Movie with the highest body count

Lord of the rings Lord of the rings

The final installment in the LOTR trilogy, The Return of the King sees the final climactic battles where the forces of evil are finally defeated. Despite dragging on a bit – and no doubt making some viewers wish to join the body count themselves ( Body Count: 836 ) – the film ties almost everything together and gives us a body count head and shoulders above anything else out there. Thanks in large part to the Battle of the Pelennor Fields and the Battle at the Black Gate, humans, orcs, uruk-hai, haradrim, witch-kings and nazguls start dropping like flies. It all seems kind of needless once the Army of the Dead arrives and sweeps everything out of their way within a couple minutes. Nevertheless, the impressive battle scenes help make this the most successful LOTR film, in terms of reception, gross income and body count.

More At http://failnation.net/lotr-return-of-the-king-movie-with-the-highest-body-count/

Michael Carroll : Lottery Winner Who Spent His Fortune

When Michael Carroll won the 2002 lottery jackpot (9.7M GBP) in England, he quickly came to be known as the ”lotto lout”. He went on a crazy binge of purchasing houses and cars, as expected of most lotto winners, but he took his over-indulgence a tad bit too far when he used the back yards of those very same houses, as open areas to hold demolition derbies that featured the cars he had bought! Let’s take a moment to take stock here. I mean, it is pretty stupid to buy multiple houses, flatten out their yards, buy a few expensive cars and crash test them there for fun! Add to the mix a lot of many other addictions, and we already know that he would end up in jail and end up penniless soon enough. That’s exactly what happened.

Michael Carroll now works in biscuit factory.

LOTTERY 5 Winner

More At http://all-funny.info/lottery-winner-michael-caroll

This is another example of invasion of privacy by Google

Entering a phone number into the Google search engine can produce a home address and a map with directions to that address.

phone vintage

Type your home telephone number into Google’s search bar & click the search button … MapQuest returns with a physical location of your phone number. People could use this feature to locate your home address, and receive explicit directions on how to get there from anywhere in the country.

You can remove your name off this database

To do this: Type in your full phone number — using dashes — like this: 555-555-5555.

If your number appears in the mapping database, an icon resembling a telephone will appear to left of the entry on the results page. Click on this icon and it will take you to a page containing a description of the service, and a link to request your number be removed!  Recheck your phone # to be sure it has been removed. Also, if you have children, please check their phone # too!

As to the issue of whether this Google feature is a shocking “invasion of privacy,” there are a few points to keep in mind:

  • This feature is not “new” — the PhoneBook service has been offered by Google for several years now.
  • This feature does not work for every phone number. Some classes of phone numbers, such as unpublished phone numbers (i.e., numbers belonging to customers who have requested that their local phone service providers not publish their numbers in printed phone directories or make them available through directory assistance), will not display.

More At http://webjunk.info/google-phone-number/

The rock car meme : Internet Eplorer

The rock car meme Microsoft internet explorer: page cannot be displayed.

rock internet explorer

More At http://failpix.info/meme-internet-eplorer/

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans

He loved baked beans , but beans always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love.

love baked beansWhen it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “She’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this” so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he phoned his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.

Since he still had several miles to walk he thought he would walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered three extra large helpings of beans. All the way home he farted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, “Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!” She put a blindfold on him and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another fart coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better when another urge came on.

He raised his leg and rriiipppp! It sounded like a diesel engine revving and smelled worse. To keep himself from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next 10 minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his napkin.

When he heard the phone farewells (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologising for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled “SURPRISE!”

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table.
Read more at http://www.snopes.com/love/dating/fart.asp#AHW6PfcsOEop4d6m.99

More At http://all-funny.info/baked-beans

What to do if you are attacked by an anaconda?

The following is purportedly from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for its volunteers who work in the Amazon Jungle. It tells what to do in case you are attacked by an anaconda.

anaconda attack

1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are.

2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs tight against one another.

3. Tuck your chin in.

4. The snake will come and begin to nudge and climb over your body.

5. Do not panic

6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet and – always from that end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic.

7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.

8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly and with as little movement as possible, reach down, take your knife and very gently slide it into the side of the snake’s mouth between the edge of its mouth and your leg. then suddenly rip upwards, severing the snake’s head.

9. Be sure you have your knife.

10. Be sure your knife is sharp.

More At http://epicjokes.com/anaconda-attack/

Marijuana Seized From Man Named Stoner

A Virginia man man called Stoner has lived up to his last name after being arrested on various drugs charges. Paul Scott Stoner is accused of growing more than $10,000 worth of marijuana at his home in Unionville, Virginia.

Acting on a tip about an area man selling drugs to children, on August 14 the Blue Ridge Narcotics and Gang Task Force teamed up with the Orange County Sheriff’s Office to execute a search warrant on the home of 42-year-old Paul Scott Stone.

Paul Stoner is currently charged with manufacturing marijuana and possession of a firearm while in possession of more than a pound of the drug.

paul stoner

More At http://all-funny.info/marijuana-paul-stoner